What the enemy whispers...

For so long, I had lived with no responsibilities except to manage my pain. Now that I was again functioning, my husband wanted to involve me in decisions about our household and our lives together. When I tried to get involved, I felt overwhelmed. Decisions seemed impossible to make.

One night, I felt particularly upset because my husband wanted to talk to me about my retirement account. I had not been involved with it in years, except to "sign here." Now I was faced with questions, and would I take a look at something? Let's get me involved again.

I remember standing at my vanity mirror. A face that was healed by Jesus, delievered from the grip of trigeminal neuralgia, stared back at me. Yet my heart quaked. I did not know how I could handle life again.

"Go back to bed. It is not worth it. Go back to bed. Life is too hard. Let other people handle these things for you. They will. Just go back to bed." The whispers were subtle but powerful. They were not audible, but they rolled skillfully through the receptors of my mind. I gripped the sink and looked through the bathroom door at the bed. It was the bed I had lain in while I suffered sheer agony, pain that I would wish on no one but the enemy himself.

I knew that if I went back to the bed that I would be giving up. I remember asking God for help, help to stay strong, help to embrace the daily tasks of life. God gave me the help. I asked my husband to make some decisions for me until I was stronger, and he agreed.

I make many decisions on my own now, but sometimes I need help. Every day, I need help from God. My thoughts are sometimes negative. Now I have ventured out in the name of and for the glory of the Lord. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed because I am challenged to do things I have not done in years or have never done before. Yet, God is always there. He lifts me up when I am weak and frustrated. God brings thoughts of His love into my mind when I struggle with holding onto His promises.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7. NKJV

The Lord honors our requests and replaces anxiety with peace. For me, it is a daily walk. Every day I must talk with God, walk with God, and read His Word. Those are the things I must do to have His peace, that passes all understanding.